Sorry for being Emo

Hmmmm well I would like to apologies for these day's posts for being so so so emo. I was in bad mood after I hurt someone. I just couldn't get well till now I feel a bit much better. I don't know who to tell about my mood. That's why I threw my tantrum on this blog. Sigh.. This blog become quite emo already.. I hope my stupid emo mood will stop. I felt that I'm getting easier to emo when I'm getting growing. I don't want to be so bad mood always. I prefer to be happy. Last time I would able to hide my bad mood, but why not now? Cause I'm getting older or what? Hope to rebalance my emotions back soon...

Close Friends

Well, as my title I wanna write a post about close friends. Seriously, I've been living for so far & so long. Do I really have a close friend? Hmmmm I would just say I don't know? or I don't. I seems like have lots of friends around me, but, I could say less of non of them are my really close friends. What do I mean by 'close friends?'

Here.. Since my secondary school life, I saw lots of people around me have friends that are very close to each other. Sharing their laughters together, sharing their things together, going everywhere together and so on. Stick together non-stop for everyday, every time and everywhere.

I've seen few pairs of best friends around me. One of the pairs which is in my 2009 5A class always hang around together. Going out together almost every time, talk together everyday, always stay at each other's house, laugh together in sudden by their own and no one even know what are they laughing about. Joking and disturbing each other but they will never angry. They even can talk secrets with each other.

Another pair doesn't really go out together that much, but their relationship between each other are very close than any other people. It's like they have a barrel to block other people from interfering them. Unless those who also very close with them. I'm quite envy on these close friends.

Close friends will not hide secrets from each other. Close friends will always remember another one of them. Close friends will always hang around with each other. Close friends will always have them same taste and point of view. Talk, play and joke to each other with craziness and will have never ending topics. Laughters would never end. They will straightforward point out each other's wrong and will not angry. Even is angry, one of them will apologies first. They won't even get bored of seeing each other and even understand with each other's feelings too.

Well, why do I start about this post? Actually I've hurt someone on last Saturday. Cause of my 'big mouth' , I said wrong things and made her feel very sad & I don't even know. Her close friend or I should say is her godson knew that I say wrong things, he immediately online the game that he felt bored of it to find her and see how is she. Then I was being lectured by him. I never rebel back or fight back since it's my fault. But he said 1 thing that really hurt me deeply. He said, "You should get a very close friend so you would able to understand how we feel now." Well yeah, you're right.. I don't have any other close friends only you and 'her'..

About her.. We do always chat on phone last time when she was still in Sg Long. She moved to Malacca when she was 14. Her house shift were due to her dad going to Malacca to work. Yeah, so she was being forced to leave here. We now only manage to meet few times in a year. She's kinda busy with her studies now. I hardly about to contact with her cause of she's really very busy. I remember whatever she told me, I kept whatever she gave me. I really love her.. How I wish I would able to see her now in this minute and this second.

So now, I bet now you know why I don't understand about it. I often being left out being invited to parties and outings. I quite always alone in my seat in school as in the guy beside me always run to other people there [shouldn't agree on sit with him at first, it's like sitting alone with myself ]-.-.. I always do my things alone except for group works. I mostly is standalone. Why?

Time flies back..

I remember when I was still primary school, I always being bullied by my classmates. Some guys bullied me and some of the girls hate me cause I'm close with most of the guys. Then started that time I won't get close too much and keep my distance with guys, for girls beside from that they also said that I'm fat and not pretty that's why they don't want me to join them..

One of them even satirize me infront of classmates said that I have a few spare tyres.. =.=.. Lame right? Lols.. But I use to it already..

That time I really had a hard time to find friends to accompany me.. So I mostly do my things alone hardly rely on other friends cause I don't want being say by others.

[p/s: I know this is my excuse.. But please let me use this as my excuse.. ]

At last, I felt very sorry about her cause of my 'mis-chat' made her really down.. Feel sorry to him cause I made him so bad mood and upset on me. I almost break their good relationships cause of my words.. Although now she feel better but I still don't feel that good too..

班长一职？

'要做?不要做? 很烦的啦... 不要做比较好..'

'做啦.. 你没问题的啦... 支持你!'

这些.. 都是之前的事...现在... 是这样的...:-

'那个人啊.. 要做班长又不要做好好来... 现在要做又不要做那样.. 不要做更好...'

'成绩差不多是全班最差的, 一点也不适合当班长..'

这些, 都是最近以来所听到林Ｘ宜和周Ｘ盈同学对我的不满.. 我承认, 我的成绩是很差. 我也承认, 我之前拒绝过当班长一职.. 我也曾经尝试去拒绝老师的好意．．但是, 我的拒绝被老师推反了.. 所以, 到现在我仍然还拿着班长这个人人都讨厌的职位... 这几个月里, 我默默忍着不乱乱到班以外的地方玩... 看着朋友们在上课时到别处玩真的令我好羡慕.. 我也想出去玩啊... 但是, 我却被'班长'这一条'锁链'绑着在班...不能随便乱乱跑出去...

有时侯, 当班上的同学们在老师不教书或者不在班的时候, 我有时因为有 工作而不能和朋友们在班里高谈阔论...有时即使可以和朋友们谈天, 但是我的心里还是想着我要如何解决班上的问题... 外表看起来象是没有工作做, 可是其实我有一座山那么高的工作等着我去处理.. 我时常把工作带回家处理.. 这样一来我在班上谈天的时间不就多了一点？

去年跟我同班的都很赞成我当班长因为我是他们的ＥＸ－班长．．今年跟我同班的就因为不想当而赞成我当．．我觉得很不公平．．就是因为不想当而赞成我做？难道没有其他人可以选吗？连续当了３年班长的我，一直以来觉得世界是公平的我，渐渐的开始觉得这个世界一点也不公平．．不见钥匙一事应该是不见它的人赔钱，但是为什么是我赔呢？很好笑吧？而且做过班长的人，并不代表想要继续当下去．．原本以为今年能和平安静地渡过．．原因是我进了有我最爱的科目［ＳＡＩＮＳ　ＰＥＲＴＡＮＩＡＮ］　的班上课．．还有我的好友们也在这一班里和我渡过．

有一次WL帮我搬书，那时我必须要走很多＇站＇．搬完书后WL对我说：－　

WL：　淑妍，妳每次帮我们搬书都要走那么多的地方吗？＇

淑妍：　嗯．．

WL：　哇．．走那么多的地方妳不就会很累？

淑妍：　不会啦．．习惯就好了．．［我的口头禅．．］

WL：　淑妍，原来你一直以来都是那么的辛苦．．我明白了．．真的很谢谢你时常帮我们交功课．．

我听了以后，我很感动．．从来没有人会跟我说＇谢谢＇．．３年以来他是第一个出自真心跟我说＇谢谢＇的人．．．想回去，我会感动到流泪．．　３年里面虽然有很多我帮他们而跟我说＇谢谢＇，但是，没有一个是真心跟我说的．．全部都是因为认为那是我的本份，我是必须要那样做的．．

希望明年我班的班主任是我认识的．．这样我才能选明年由谁来当班长．．吃一吃下苦头．．